From worrier to warrior....

I dropped Joshua off first thing this morning for the first day of his 'Centaurs' camp. This is a week-long series of activity days organised by Centaurs Rugby, who he plays for on a Saturday morning. Centaurs isn't only a rugby squad (although that's its primary activity) - it runs bootcamps for adults, sports-themed birthday parties, corporate events, sessions in a muddy assault course known as 'The Pit' (which ALL the rugby kids get to do on the last day of the rugby term - they LOVE it!) and these camps that take place during school holidays. This is the first year that Josh has signed up for one of the camps and he has been super-excited for weeks now. Being Josh, however, he started worrying a couple of days ago, when he realised that it was Actually Happening On Monday.

The questions started on Friday but by yesterday afternoon they were coming thick and fast.... Mummy, where will we be going tomorrow? Do you know EXACTLY where you have to take me? What do I need to take in my bag? What time does it start? What time do we have to leave the house? What time does it finish? Will you pick me up? Which water bottle should I take? Where will you have to drop me off? Are you dropping me off or staying with me? Who will be there? Are any of my friends from U7s going? (The camps are open to all kids, not just those who play rugby for Centaurs, and are run by various people, not just the regular rugby coaches....) Will we be playing rugby? Do I need to wear rugby boots or trainers? What other games will we play? What if I've never played them before? How will I know the rules? Which shirt should I wear? .....and so on, well into the evening right up until I was settling him down in bed. Then he started again this morning......the same questions, many of them repeated over and over again. 


This is Josh trying to prepare himself for the unknown. He is really NOT a fan of the unknown - even 'good' unknown, like an activity camp. He is extremely uncomfortable with change and lack of routine, he really doesn't like surprises and he likes to be prepared. The worst thing we can do, with Josh, is to be spontaneous. He simply can't cope with it! And if he has an expectation that something is going to be a certain way, he falls apart if it doesn't happen like that. I sympathise - I am exactly the same and it's taken me nearly 40 years simply to learn to cope better in strange situations or when things don't work out as planned (and I still don't manage it, sometimes!) So I totally understand where he is coming from. He is trying to find out as much as possible in advance so that he is comfortable going into the situation. 


So I answered his questions as best I could (I didn't know all the answers, myself) and off we went this morning. He held tightly to my hand as we approached the registration tent and the guy checked off his name. The questions continued.... Mummy, where do I go now? What about my camp t-shirt? Where should I put my bag? We sorted everything out and suddenly, he saw a friend from his U7s squad and he was off. Not a backward glance. I'll pick you up at 3, I shouted after him..... OK! he yelled back, and off he went, noisily and with vast amounts of enthusiasm, to join in the kick-about. From worrier to warrior, just like that. 


And I headed back to the car with my heart pounding.....Joshua is SO like me in that he worries about the unknown, needs to find out the facts in advance, needs to set his expectations, make plans, be prepared.....and yet he is then so like Bob in that suddenly, he can turn the worry switch off and immediately start enjoying the moment. He will have forgotten about all that worrying, all those questions and is no doubt, right now, having the time of his life - getting muddy, tearing about with friends, playing all sorts of new sports and games that he's not tried before. There's the difference between him and me.....I don't have the ability simply to turn off that worry switch. It is always an effort with me to stop worrying and it only ever happened as a child or a teenager once I was fully and thoroughly in my comfort zone - not just on the sight of one friend, like with Joshua this morning. Even now, as an adult, I have to talk myself into not worrying. It is possible and I am pretty good at it these days, and some people even think I'm 'laid-back' - but they are so very wrong! I still have to be in my comfort zone - I've just expanded my comfort zone somewhat and am much better at putting a brave face on when I'm not in it.  I still panic when my carefully laid plans for the day don't turn out as they should. I still plan things down to the nth degree and then make endless lists to make sure things get done on time. I still get stressed with disorganisation and clutter. I am better at resigning myself to the inevitable, these days, though - when things don't work out and things don't get done, the panic still rises but I can work through it, come out the other side. Most of the time, anyway.

I'm so glad Joshua does appear to have that worry switch and knows how to turn it off, at least sometimes. Hopefully as he gets older he will learn that he needn't always turn it on in the first place. Sometimes it's a good thing - there's nothing wrong with being prepared! But let's hope he's inherited the best of both worlds - my planning and organisation skills (yes, let's put a positive spin on my slightly obsessive tendencies) and Bob's ability to go through life enjoying the moment and not worrying about the future. What a potentially awesome combination! My job for the moment is to give him as much security as possible by answering his incessant questions patiently, sticking to my promises (like picking him up in THIS place, at THAT time, etc.) and helping him work through his worries and fears with love. I am hoping that will equip him with the strength to become a warrior, rather than a worrier.


He's certainly going to be a muddy little warrior when I pick him up at 3, as promised, this afternoon - I can't wait to hear about his day!