OK, so I haven't blogged for well over a year. Nothing worth saying, perhaps? Well, sometimes I have lots of deep thoughts, but they just aren't right for expressing here. Or maybe life got in the way. Too much typing for work makes me reluctant to sit down at the PC when I don't have to. I often put my random thoughts up as Facebook status updates, which gets them off my chest. All of those things mean I don't go to this site as often as I would like to. But here I am. Why now? Why today?
Well, I have just finished a piece of work, don't need to start the next one JUST yet, and have a rare free hour at the PC while I wait for Josh to finish his music lessons. And I was thinking about something, earlier today, after a couple of 'conversations' on Facebook in recent days that got me musing about friendship. So I thought maybe I would try and get some of those thoughts down 'on paper', as it were. Forgive the random ramblings - I will try to tidy it up before publishing it but if I don't manage to, you might get the unedited version!
Anyway, back to 'friendship'. I have 'friends' on FB that I hardly know. Many of my friends, I have never met. I use Facebook to keep up with my beloved family and close friends, of course, but it has also offered me connections that have come out of nowhere, in some cases, and it has also allowed me to get back in touch with people that I have known in years gone by and with whom I'd lost touch, completely. Social media has its downsides, definitely - Facebook can certainly be addictive; it can take time away from my family and friends here if I don't manage it properly; it can be an invasion of privacy; it is tempting to use it to push my own opinions and beliefs on other people; it has got me into trouble more than once for speaking out where I shouldn't have done so. Bob hates it, and refuses to use it! But although I've been tempted to delete my account on a number of occasions, I have never done so, as Facebook not only allows me to keep in touch with friends and family abroad, and friends here who I don't see as often as I'd like to, but it has also enriched my life with some very meaningful and loving friendships that have been either rekindled from years ago, or have been started through the diabetic on-line community.
And here's the other thing: it's tempting to think of diabetes as a totally negative thing in our life, but actually it's brought us so many positives. New friends, for one. We've met new friends here in Singapore and two of Isabel's best friends are little girls of around her age who also have T1 diabetes. Their mums have become two of my best friends. And we've met new friends on Facebook, many of whom have travelled with us on our journey with diabetes for as many years as we have, if not more, and who have become a big part of my life. Isabel doesn't really know them, as yet - at age seven she doesn't use social media (and won't be for a few years) but for me, those friendships are lasting and valuable. In most cases, we have vastly different politics and religious (or not) beliefs, and in some cases very different interests. We usually share the same values, though, even if we have different beliefs. What I love about this, is that we can be so very different, but yet able to recognise the good in each other and still be friends. We don't push our own beliefs and politics on each other (at least we try not to) - we accept each other's failings, we overlook our differences and focus on what makes us 'click' and what we do share.
That's the thing about friendship, and we often take it for granted. It's not only my Facebook friends who I met through diabetes, with whom I have this kind of friendship. I also have friends here and friends from way back, in the UK, who have different beliefs, interests, politics, etc. I love them dearly but because we meet for lunch, play dates, nights out, boot camp, etc. it's almost automatic that we don't think about or worry about our differences - we're friends, and that's that. I guess when friendship is remote, when you've never even met the person or family, when all you know about them is through social media, it's more difficult to nurture and foster a real friendship. There have been cases where I was 'friends' with people for a while but, when it became clear that the one and only thing we had in common was diabetes and that their approach to it was totally different to mine, it also became clear that the friendship wasn't going anywhere and one of us 'unfriended' the other. In some cases, particularly where I spoke out too forcefully when I shouldn't have (which I do have a tendency to do!) people have been unable to get past that and have 'unfriended' me as a result. I don't have a problem with that - if we're THAT different, it's not going to end happily. You can't please everyone. I never mean to give offence but sometimes people take it!
But the ones who have remained my friends are now those whom I count among my real and dearest friends, even though I have never met some of them. And that goes for my friends here, too. If you're reading this, you know who you are. You're the ones who overlook the fact that I can often be judgemental and opinionated. You're the ones who, despite sometimes having a different outlook on politics and religion to mine, still accept me for who I am. You're the ones who know what will make me laugh or cry, or what will touch my heart, even though it might be something totally different that does that for you. You're the ones that know I'm there for you, even though I might seem to be off the radar and too busy to care, and who still want to be my friend even when I'm being all grumpy and negative. You're the ones who, despite having super-busy lives yourselves, still want to meet for a coffee or lunch even if we haven't seen each other for weeks and weeks. You're the ones with whom I can pick up where we left off, even if we haven't seen each other for years (in some cases!) You're the ones who, one day when we meet for the first time (WHEN, not if!) will share a huge hug with me and with whom I'll feel instantly comfortable - I hope you feel comfortable with me, too.
Friends are so important and I know I don't devote enough time to them. That goes for family too - I know I don't devote enough time to my extended family abroad, whom I count as my friends. We have to work hard to maintain friendships - it's like a marriage. But real friends know that even when we don't get in touch for weeks at a time, we can always count on each other to be there.
I think it's wonderful that I have so many friends who are so very different to me. It's amazing, and beautiful. You, my friends, have enriched my life in ways you might never know, and you have taught me so much. I hope my kids build as strong and lasting friendships as some of the ones I have, and that they gain as much joy, fun and laughter, and learn as much about life, love and giving, from their friends as I have. If they do, as well as remembering above all to be kind, then they will have been successful and will have made their lives meaningful. That's what I want for them.
Finally, I just want to say a big THANK YOU to my friends - near and far, those I see regularly and those I've never met. Thank you all for everything. I love you all.
